Many white men prefer white BBW

Why does nobody dare to admit that they like fat?

The author

I am not ashamed of my plump body. I see it this way: If you can't cope with my stretch marks, then you don't deserve my cellulite either. I haven't always thought that way, though. I used to be the girl who insisted that the lights be turned off during sex. When I got out of bed afterwards, I always covered my body with something. I never wanted to be upstairs during the act because I was afraid that my stomach would look terrible from my partner's point of view. Gentlemen, I feel really sorry for the earlier version of myself.

My confidence took a huge boost when I just realized I couldn't hide my fullness anyway - so why should I try it in the first place? Somehow it never occurred to me during sex that my partner was aware of what he was getting into. Somehow I thought they'd just look me in the face before we took off our clothes. On top of that, most of the men I sleep with like my body and they say things like "I like women with curves" or "I like plump girls better". I've always assumed that they were doing me a favor with such comments, along the lines of "I prefer to talk about curves and not even call them fat". I do find the words "fat" or "fat" though not bad at all and also do not understand why you never want to say it.

His answer surprised me: “Believe me, you are not fat. I just recently told a guy about this line of thought after he called me "curvy" in bed. "Call me fat," I said to him. "I don't mind, because it's just the way it is."

And then everything suddenly became clear to me: Oh, you are not playing anything for me, just yourself. This guy and many other guys just don't want to accept that they have a preference for fat women.

I completely understand. It is not only men who grow up believing that only a certain body shape is "hot". If you are completely open to a person whose body deviates from the socially accepted norm, then there is also a certain sense of shame Even those who are not ashamed of their preferences sometimes find it appropriate to keep it a secret.

The gender researcher Hugo Schwyzer believes that men in heterosexual realms “are taught to find that 'hot' that other men also see as 'hot'.” Basically, heterosexual preferences work on a social level and women are the basic building blocks for self-confidence Their male sex partners. Fat female partners are considered to be a "step back" and it is precisely this fact that leads to the fact that many straight men do not want to admit to being like women.

Of course, that doesn't apply to all heterosexual types either. There are a lot of "fat lovers". In 2011, Dan Weiss, creator of "Ask A Guy Who Likes Fat Chicks" and downright fat lover, was named by the magazine Village Voiceportrayed. In doing so, Weiss also invalidates the myths why a man might prefer fat women: fat women are not easier to get into bed and it is also not the truth that men who are with fat women have little self-confidence. The very fact that the general public automatically assumes this says a lot about how fat women are viewed in a sexual context.

A picture by Fernando Botero in the Palacio de Bellas Artes in Mexico City (Photo: Enrique Vázquez | Flickr | CC BY 2.0)

The author and body activist Virgie Tovar also explains another misconception: “Men with a preference for fat women are viewed as sexually deviant or perverse because their objects of desire do not correspond to the ideal of beauty in the western world. It is true, however, that human - and also male - needs are totally different, and if we lived in a world free of prejudice it would be obvious how diverse our preferences are. Unfortunately, in reality it looks very different: In the western world you have to be thin. "

Maybe everything would be completely different if fat women in the mainstream media had a different image. Hollywood could do a little more than just cast Melissa McCarthy for some funny but completely de-sexualized roles. And fat women are rarely an issue in the music industry either - exceptions are songs like "Only" by Nicki Minaj, in which Drake raps about the fact that he likes BBWs (Big, Beautiful Women) because they'll suck you one first and then want to go out to eat with you. A popular artist portrays us in a more positive light and then he still makes fun of us. Thank you very much, Drake.

We still have to be grateful, considering how seldom one hears something like this at all. It's actually really funny that the whole thing is seen as such a taboo subject, because in the cultural history of the western world, fat women were once considered desirable.

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University of Houston sociology researchers Samantha Kwan and Jennifer Fackler looked at changes in the ideal of the body over the past centuries in a paper called "Women and Size." According to them, women were portrayed in images by artists up until the 19th century like Ruben or Renoir portrayed as "meaty" and "lush." ​​Personally, I find these adjectives sucks because they sound like something that was taken straight from a terrible adult dime novel (which is exactly why I can use the words "panties" and Not to stand "pulsating"). Still, slim bodies became wishful thinking after fashion for the masses began and diet trends emerged.

According to restaurateur Sarah Lohman, clothing sizes were standardized around the same time, and the discovery of calories suddenly made the public pay attention to weight. In other words, diets evolved into marketable and profitable products. During the 1920s, many western women were either dieting or feeling guilty for not dieting. The rest is history. Our whole perception of beauty in the context of slimness is basically manifested by the people who want to make a profit on our self-esteem - and we just play their game.

"We have been the victims of terrible misinformation," said Ken Page, a psychotherapist and the author of the book Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy. “Our concept of attractiveness and the way we should look and behave seem like they were set by a group of insecure teenagers. The whole thing is dangerous, foolish and for the most part not scientifically proven. "

As it turns out, attractiveness has a lot less to do with looks than we might imagine. According to science, our sexual attraction is primarily determined by how reproductive we smell and how strong personality traits such as friendliness or intelligence are pronounced. But what Page calls "emotional attractiveness" is also crucial (basically, that attractiveness determines how well you get along with another person). "To think that you are not perceived as attractive just because of your physique or your weight, is simply wrong. "

If, from a scientific point of view, attractiveness really works, why is everything different in my life? Why does my bossy mom keep wanting me to lose weight so she can pair me up with a dentist? Why do strangers on the Internet keep telling me that I would find my great love if I were just a little slimmer?

I know that is not true. I have a lot of girlfriends who would definitely pass as "hot girls" and from all these friendships with tall, slim women obsessed with beauty I have learned one thing above all: Their love life is just as shitty as mine thin, we're all in the same boat when it comes to cheating or messages with the content "I really like you, but ...". The only difference is that my friends don't automatically blame their weight for such things. So why am I being persuaded that my pounds are the problem of my love life?

Motherboard: This man believes he will never have to eat again

Ashamed of my weight is something I know all too well. However, Tovar explained to me that I process my shame differently than the men I sleep with. "When women feel shame, they are practically instructed to direct this shame inwards and thus against themselves," said the author. "Men, on the other hand, are often able to divert some of the shame away from themselves. It happens with women Much more likely that they eat everything into themselves — not just the feelings of shame because of their weight, but also the feelings of shame because their partner feels uncomfortable. "

Probably the best example of this is women who are uncomfortable showing their whole bodies during sex — even after their partner has expressed his pleasure by tearing her clothes off. It seems as if the women are saying: "I am ashamed of that you you maybe for mean Body is ashamed. "

To put an end to such shame, women (and I'm not just talking about fat women) have to accept their bodies as they are - not just for themselves, but so that their loved ones will be less ashamed as well. Page explained it this way: The parts of our body that we are most ashamed of are perhaps the parts of our body that our partner finds most attractive.

Of course, this is easier said than done. It's incredibly hard not to be ashamed of what is constantly being labeled flawed or ugly. In order to accelerate the carefree business, men could try a little harder to better express their preference for fat women - not only behind closed doors, but also in public. For example, try writing a rap text about us that doesn't just talk about food. That would be a start.

All straight men who haven't quite had the courage to openly admit that we fat women can be just as attractive as our slim counterparts should ask themselves the following questions: Why exactly is that? What are you scared of? Before the reaction of your friends? Are they really good friends when they insist that you are not happy?

The bottom line is that fat women are fed up with being treated like freaks. And men who are into fat women are just as fed up with being labeled eccentric. There is a broad spectrum of appeal, and it is time for this spectrum to finally show everything about itself - including bacon rolls.

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