Why do people express their compassion by apologizing?
7 things you should never apologize for
1. His feelings
Telling your fellow human beings what you think and feel is a responsibility in every human relationship. Letting someone participate in their emotional world helps the other person to understand us better - and that in turn benefits us. This applies not only to personal relationships, but also to dealing with colleagues: A calm but firmly stated “I don't feel comfortable ...” or “That annoyed me” is entirely appropriate and protects against unspoken conflicts.
2. Its appearance
For example, if you apologize for looking tired, having a bad hair day or wearing an outfit that attracts attention, we are actually expressing a lack of self-esteem. You are who you are, why do you need an excuse for that? Unless, of course, you stumble into the office in sweatpants or disregard a given dress code, there is no need to justify your choice of outfit or hairstyle.
3. For taking time for yourself
Every person is different. And every person needs different amounts of time and space for themselves for their well-being. Introverted, fearful people need more of it than those who like to be around people and feel most comfortable doing it. Regardless of this, it is important for everyone to demand this personal space from other people and to keep it even more if you need it. That is why it should be possible for friends and even partners to retire to the couch, bath or maybe even to the cinema for an evening in intimate solitude. If someone cannot handle a respectful "You, I need some time to myself today, let's do something in the next few days", it is their problem.
4. To ask a question
There are no stupid questions. If you don't ask questions, you stay stupid. So if you apologize in principle for asking, you devalue yourself. It never has to be embarrassing to ask for help or more information.
5. Other people's behavior
We have no control over the way other people behave. So there is no reason to justify yourself. (Exception: the guy you want to pair your best friend with turns out to be a total mistake.)
6. Don't answer an SMS, a phone call or an email straight away
Nobody manages to get in touch with a friend, family member or colleague immediately. However, if you constantly apologize for it, you turn a trivial matter into something unnecessarily large. (Unless it's an emergency - and you usually notice that.
Anyone who piles up with callbacks, reply emails and SMS takes the pressure off with a brief piece of information: a simple “I haven't forgotten, but I'm pretty busy right now” or a clear “I'm still working on the information, please have you a little more patience! ”shows the other person that you have not forgotten the matter - that is polite and appreciated.
And if you want to go to lunch before a time-consuming callback, you don't have to justify yourself for it. After all, you also have your own needs.
7. Circumstances over which one has no control
The situation is well known: someone complains about a stressful boss, an annoying mother-in-law or an unhappy relationship. The usual reaction of the other person: “I'm sorry.” What is meant to express compassion, however, leads to a confusion of the situation through the verbal expression of a (actually nonexistent) responsibility. Better alternatives: "That must be difficult for you", "That's a shame" or an exact explanation of what you are sorry for, such as "I'm sorry that this happened to you."
Those who apologize less strengthen their self-esteem
The bottom line is that the matter is clear: Anyone who has committed a crime apologizes for it. And whoever questions his use of the phrases “I'm sorry” or “Sorry”, which have crept too much into everyday life, ultimately strengthens his self-esteem and at the same time reaps the respect of his fellow human beings.
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