How can I have better self worth
Boost Self-Esteem: What You Can Do to Like Yourself
Many people go through life believing that material wealth, career, or beauty are the sources of self-esteem. No wonder they are ours social norms and values but designed and educated for it since early childhood. But our real one Self worth we only recognize when we deal specifically with ourselves and with what we are and want to be in our deepest inner being.
How is low self-esteem manifested?
Some people walk through life with admirable self-confidence, as if there was no one more amazing or more beautiful than them. And then there are the others who constantly doubt themselves, who don't trust themselves and who don't feel pretty or lovable enough. They are wonderful people with an incredible amount potentialwhich they do not recognize themselves, however.
This lack of self-esteem drives many to come to terms with things that actually don't make them really happy. They have a job that doesn't do them well. They have long since said goodbye to the career they dreamed of, because only the others can do that. Instead of one happy partnership with mutual respect, many add themselves to a toxic relationship in which they are treated badly and kept small - for fear that no one else might like or even love them.
Most women are all too familiar with a weakened self-esteem when it comes to looks: not slim enough, not pretty enough, not big enough, the belly too big, the bust too small, the bottom too wide - many are with their appearance dissatisfied and would like to hide. We often create this feeling of body shaming ourselves by measuring ourselves against idealized bodies from advertising, which have mostly been perfected with image processing programs. No human can look like this naturally.
In addition, it is only the surface, the body, that says little about your inner values. Think about the people you know personally. Who do you value more: the good friend who is always there for you, but does not correspond to the common beauty ideals or the super attractive acquaintance who is more important to optimize their body than to spend valuable time with you? So there is no reason to lower your self-esteem because of external appearances.
There are also people who suffer from a lack of self-esteem, but who don't seem like that at first glance: These are those who humiliate others in order to feel better about themselves. In an extreme form, one speaks of narcissists. They like to define themselves through material values such as cars, houses and other luxuries with a desire for social recognition. They also suffer from low self-esteem and try to cover it up by focusing on the weaknesses of their fellow human beings.
This is just a distraction to hide your own sore spots. They like to gossip about others, but are extremely sensitive when asked about their own mistakes. If you recognize such behavior patterns in yourself, it is important that you investigate the reason for your lack of self-esteem. Often this is precisely the cause.
How can I boost my self-esteem?
Have you ever thought about your flaws? And found that the list would get really long if you wrote them all down? And what about your strengths? Would you count them on one hand? Then it is high time to build up your self-esteem.
Because who actually determines the norm and who tells you whether you are good, beautiful or rich enough? The answer: you and only you! Because in the word “self-esteem” there is an important hint: value. Strictly speaking, self-worth, which many of us put far too low. Often we value material things much more than we do ourselves. We often like other people more than ourselves. And we often trust others more than ourselves.
People with low self-esteem stand in their own way. It only takes a few steps to like yourself and to accept yourself with all your mistakes.
5 steps on the way to liking yourself
You cannot rely on other people to increase your self-esteem. Because how they rate or evaluate you doesn't matter at all. The only person who is allowed to form an opinion of you is yourself. But how does that work and how can you change your attitude towards yourself, which you have probably been trained since your early childhood? Social norms and values cannot be forgotten overnight, but you can work on them step by step.
There are beautiful self-esteem pictures that make it easier to understand. The psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden, for example, describes self-esteem as a roof supported by various pillars. These symbolize how we live, how much responsibility we take and how authentic we are. While the roof remains unchanged, the pillars can be strengthened. There are five steps to doing this and embarking on the path to better self-esteem:
1. Believe in your abilities
If we keep telling ourselves that we can't do that, then it will actually happen that way. Often there are negative beliefs from childhood behind it. But if we don't believe in ourselves, we can't achieve our goals either. However, when we have more confidence and believe in our abilities, we can move mountains. So it is the image we have of ourselves that makes us weak, but can also strengthen us. A positive self-concept therefore also leads to a stronger self-esteem. Never underestimate the power of your thinking and your attitude!
2. Get conflicts out of the way
To see things for what they actually are, you have to go through life with your eyes open. Looking away or not wanting to know things exactly is not an alternative. As you face problems with awareness, your self-esteem becomes increasingly stronger. This may take a certain amount of effort at first, but gradually you will notice the positive effect. So use your skills and take responsibility for your actions. This also includes recognizing warning signals and not glossing over things for you, for example if you have relationship problems or discrepancies between colleagues. Face a conversation and try to resolve the conflicts instead of pushing them aside and belittling you.
3. Accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses
Learn to accept yourself and to be satisfied with what you have and are. With all your mistakes and weaknesses. But also with all your strengths. Because that's more than you might think. Although the strengths and positive traits are usually seen as more valuable, you shouldn't ignore your weaknesses either, but consider them part of yourself. This also applies to events from the past. Try to come to terms with the past, embrace it as an important part of your life and look ahead. Even if you make mistakes, do not evaluate them negatively, but positively: You can learn from every mistake, become even better and develop yourself further. This strategy will lead you to long-term success.
4. Take your life actively in hand
Take the initiative and take matters into your own hands. If you let everything happen passively, it won't increase your self-esteem. However, if you become active and shape situations, relationships and your whole life yourself, at the end of the day you have the good feeling that you have achieved something. Self-efficacy is an important step towards increased self-esteem. Taking responsibility for your own words and deeds makes you vulnerable in a certain way, but also lets you grow with every decision, no matter how small.
5. Be authentic and yourself
Are you yourself or are you hiding behind a facade? Do you stand by what you think, say and do? Or do you often use a white lie and cheat because you want to say what others expect of you? Many people with low self-esteem find it difficult to be authentic and honest. They want to please everyone and seek outside recognition. It is extremely important to be completely with yourself.
Of course, that doesn't mean that you have to express your opinion out loud at every opportunity. To get started, it is enough to represent your own values, even if colleagues, friends or family may have a different opinion. Because the more you assert yourself, the more your self-esteem grows. And you will get attention and recognition for yourself and your positions, which will also strengthen your self-esteem.
A look back at childhood as the key to strengthening self-esteem
As already mentioned several times, looking back at your own childhood can help to identify the causes of your low self-esteem. We already developed many of our behavioral patterns in our childhood. They are related to the early experiences we had. As soon as you recognize these causes that are far back, you can change your behavior in a targeted manner.
The psychologist Stefanie Stahl describes this path in her bestseller and the online course of the same name “The child in you must find a home”. In the course, the author takes you by the hand step by step to detach your adult self from the child in you, who repeatedly and unconsciously influences your actions negatively. It helps you to create structures that will permanently help you to shed old behavior patterns in order to clear the way to a greater sense of self-worth.
Why it pays to boost your self-esteem
Low self-esteem is an obstacle to being happy. Because the constant self-doubts keep us small and unimportant, even though we would secretly like to reach for the stars. If you take these five steps and question yourself, you will gradually notice a change. Listen to your inner voice, observe your behavior in certain situations and learn step by step who you are, what you can do, what is good for you and what helps you to realize your dreams.
Our online course "Confident through Self-Love" by Kim Fleckenstein will help you to strengthen your self-confidence and develop greater self-love. In the course of the course you will gain loving acceptance for yourself and your life and learn to accept yourself as you are.
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