Why is pain the only real feeling

The Talk: When the feeling is right

Sometimes love goes crazy. You rush through all possible dating situations, always looking for the one. The so-called Mr. Big, who we've all been dreaming of since Carrie disdained all the wonderful men in Sex and the City, because there was only one. And then suddenly he stands there. Unexpectedly. It's not as if our grandma didn't suspect it long ago. "The right person always comes when you don't suspect it." Grandma, check.

Only what happens when the right person is suddenly there. It feels right, you want to throw everything upside down. Marriage? Oh yeah! Children? Of course. And the environment? Um, stop. You don't really know each other yet. Take your time, don't rush anything. Remember all those pipes that didn't want to end up after all. Be on your guard!

"In a society where we are already terrified of gluten or carbohydrates, heartbreak should be pretty low on the fear list."

On my guard of something, as a hopeless romantic, I like to ask myself. That the heart is broken In a society where we are already terrified of gluten or carbohydrates, heartbreak should be low on the fear list. And we remember: Even the best marriages fail faster than they did 20 years ago. Heartbreak is part of love. And oh yes, our hearts have all been broken much more often than my grandma's. Thanks to Tinder. Ghosten, bread crumbing and whatever they are called, the newfangled dating behavior disasters explained by Elle's online journalism. Heartbreak has become something of a lifelong phenomenon. Surely that doesn't stop us, does it?

Because that's the way it is - and there is certainly a reason for saying that: When you know, you know. Sometimes you just know. Just the one person, and the one involved. You can feel it, feel it - and nothing can go too fast, everything can only happen at the right time.

Because, and that is often forgotten in our society: love is not rational. She is a feeling.

Who says: You, I can't do that right now. Or: I am somehow unable to relate. Or also like to hear: I don't want to commit myself right now. Who says: I'm not in love. No maybe, no maybe it's stressful right now. He or she is not in love. I'm sorry, even I, the romantic, now know: The unhappy and unattainable love is not the only true one. It's just one thing: painful, nothing else.

Love is intuitive. Something that tells us only one thing from certain hormones, some serotonin releases and nerve tracts: This is the one. If conversations, openness and communication are still right, sometimes you just know. Perhaps age also plays a role - because at some point there will be no more doubts, just more of the future. Why stop when it can be done easily?

"The basic concept, the knowledge of the right thing, you usually know much earlier."

Time is therefore not a measure of true love. Over time, love changes, it may get tighter, it goes through ups and downs, it shows difficulties as well as achieved goals. Relationships that have existed for years confirm the basic feeling within a measurable framework. In all honesty: Sometimes you can't even put or measure the feeling in words. But the basic concept, the knowledge of the right thing, is usually known much earlier. It's not for nothing that we like to say: "This is something big."

We like to smile at those in our society who get engaged after a year. Having a child after three months, those who never go their separate ways after one night together. Find it absurd when someone grieves more after 6 weeks of dating than after seven years of relationship. With us, even love has to be assessed with goals - in time.
But is it all so absurd? Perhaps all of those are easy to admire. You know it. You dare. You have the courage.

Because love is not just a feeling, it does not require time, but courage. Courage to say yes to someone, courage to take the great risk of heartbreak, and maybe give your heart away to someone too soon. But: No risk, no fun.