How do you get over something terrible
How to get over someone
A breakup is arguably one of the worst experiences a human being can have after the death of a loved one. No matter how long you've been a couple, the end of a relationship is almost always painful, and it almost always feels really bad for a long time afterwards.
That is only natural, after all you have invested a lot of feelings and time in this one person and this relationship with him. But is there not something you can do to help the healing process?
Yes, there are ways and means of overcoming the pain of separation faster. Still it will take time. It is next to impossible overnight that you will feel better again.
So you have a lot ahead of you. But here is a list of tips that can help you get back on track and get through the breakup as best you can. You can do it!
😭 How to get over someone
I am extremely sorry that you had this cruel experience. Breakups aren't fun. Especially when you are the person who has been abandoned, the feeling in your chest is definitely indescribably terrible. It tears your heart apart, you feel empty. But you don't have to drag on the suffering unnecessarily. The following tips will definitely help you feel better again soon.
Accept it's over
The most important fact to face is this: It's over."No shit, Sherlock"you will think to yourself now. But just bring this to your head again: It's over. It's behind you. Now you can't change anything about the separation or what happened.
Stop living in the past, and focus on the here and now - and on the future! You may be down right now, but better days will come again. You will be happy again, you will love and be loved again. You may not want to hear or accept any of this right now, but it will be. What you are going through right now will pass.
This step will hurt you tremendously because you will relive all the memories with your ex. Emotions hang on every object. The best thing to do is to remove any photos and objects that are somehow related to that person. Otherwise, you'll just hurt yourself all the time seeing these things.
The smartest thing would be if you just tossed them away. But if you cannot bring yourself down to such drastic measures, then put everything in a box that disappears in the attic, in the basement or with a friend to collect dust there forever. It would be advisable, however, that you dispose of all of this before your next relationship. If your next partner happens to come across it or learn about it, the nearest paradise may be in danger.
Cut off all contact with this person
This tip goes hand in hand with the last one. Stop texting or calling your ex-boyfriend. It would also be wise to mute them on all social media channels so that you no longer see any posts from the person. That would just hurt you unnecessarily. And don't visit the person's pages either!
I would only recommend blocking the person if they keep contacting you and you get stung every time. Otherwise, the blocking can be interpreted as an act out of defiance, which is seldom well understood. Don't be a child and deal with this separation like an adult.
Howl your eyes out of your head
It is of enormous significance that you allow your feelings. Howl for what it takes. Try to really let out your pain one last time. Don't keep pushing it out, it'll just delay the healing process. Process him. Treat yourself to a few evenings at home crying and suffering to come to you again.
It can also be very helpful to cry out to friends. But don't get too lost in self-pity and don't ask too many of them. Get help and have fun with your friends as best you can.
Everyone processes emotions differently. For example, you could do sports or be creative. A separation can be overcome very well, especially with creativity. The possibilities are numerous. Write down your feelings, write a song or paint a picture. If it is good for you, you can destroy your work for symbolic purposes afterwards.
If you have suffered a lot for a week or two, then at the latest it will be time to get up again. So don't wallow in your victim role too much and for too long. Because the more you let yourself sink into it, the more you demand from your surroundings and the more difficult it will be for you to get out of your hole again. You have to work again.
Logically, a week or two won't be enough for you to be fine. You will probably feel bad for a while, but like I said: Don't wallow in your victim role and don't sink into self-pity.
Learn from the breakup
Sit down for a while and reflect on the relationship. What did she teach you? What did you miss? You may also recognize some patterns from past relationships that you keep falling into. Maybe you like to rush things or are very jealous. Or maybe you always pick the wrong people based on the wrong characteristics.
As hard as it sounds: Breakups are great teachers. They show you who you are, what your mistakes are and help you to work on yourself - if you are willing to do so.
A list of properties
Often one only remembers the positive things of the ex. Write down all the negative traits and experiences with the person. Once you realize that the person was nowhere near perfect, you may see that it is better the way it went.
Learn to forgive
Especially if you now have a list of traits that were bad about your ex-partner and the relationship, you should forgive this person and especially yourself. Forgive yourselves. There's no point in resenting someone forever - especially when it's you who you're angry with.
Do something good for you
You should also treat yourself to something. And since you're feeling really dirty right now, you should celebrate that too. Take a relaxing bath, watch your favorite movie, order a pizza and get into a cozy outfit. Take it easy at first. Don't let yourself go too long, though.
After that, however, you need to gradually start functioning again and get into the saddle. Do some exercise. This is healthy and very good at distraction. When you're busy holding your breath, it can be difficult to think about your ex. Eat your favorite healthy dishes, cook and pass the time.
Do for yourself what you have neglected in your relationship. You rarely had time for yourself? Then read a book again, dedicate yourself to your dream project or play the video game that has been on your wish-list for ages.
Learn to be alone
Living single has many advantages. Use it. You can now do what you want again. However, so much freedom can be overwhelming if you don't know what to do with your time. But that's exactly what you have to learn. What can you do that gives you pleasure all by yourself? Maybe you will learn new skills. No idea how to cook or drive a nail into the wall? Then learn it.
Get a grip on life again
Especially if your relationship has lasted for a long time and has changed a lot in your daily routine as a result, it may be advisable to structure the day for yourself and use the time gained sensibly. Go for a walk, meet up with friends, get creative. But allow yourself some rest and relaxation in the evening even after work is done.
Many people then turn to their jobs and work like crazy. Maybe that will help you too. Just don't overdo it, otherwise you will slide into a burnout, which nobody really needs.
Pursue personal goals, hobbies, and interests
Now that you are single, you have time for yourself again. That is something positive! You can now devote yourself to personal projects, goals, hobbies and interests that have always interested you. And if there has never been something like this for you, then look for something! It is practically impossible that there is nothing that you find exciting.
Train for a marathon, start playing tennis, start painting, writing, making music, hiking - whatever you want, do it!
Grow as a person! Believe me, the world may seem gray to you right now, but as soon as you rediscover what great opportunities it has to offer, it will soon be colorful again for you.
Often times, a breakup is a huge damper to self-confidence. You no longer feel desired, disgusting and repulsive. It is therefore very advisable to work on your own self-esteem again. There are a number of tips online for this, all you have to do is look for them.
Also, educate yourself. You don't have to become a specialist in astrophysics and take an opinion in every political debate. It is enough if you immerse yourself in the things that interest you. Of course, there is nothing wrong with knowing a little about all areas.
But also work on your body. This is a good distraction and you release happiness hormones during exercise. It also helps give wings to your mind. It is said that a lazy mind dwells in a lazy body.
Maintain interpersonal relationships
Often times, all of the other relationships a person has suffer a little from the relationship. As soon as you have a partner, you tend to neglect friends and family. It is best not to let it get that far and always stay in touch. But if you have made this mistake as you have done many others, now is the time to reconnect.
Get in touch with your friends and family, do something exciting, have a drink, move around the houses or plan a game night. Anything that brings you closer to them and distracts you is now most welcome.
Be there for others
This tip matches the last one. Feeling needed helps a sore heart a lot. Maybe you know someone who needs help. An old person who is alone; someone who's also been heartbroken; whoever. Perhaps you will also help your neighbors with the hedge trimming or help out with the soup kitchen.
Get back in the saddle
Sooner or later you have to dare to get back on the horse. You can't shut yourself up. Date and meet new people again, but feel free to stay single in the meantime. You should process your feelings first.
You could also sign up for a dating app like Tinder. There you usually get to know someone very quickly. Just be careful not to start a new relationship right away, as this is usually counterproductive. Get to know new people without looking for a partner.
If you want, you can also let off steam sexually. As long as you're single, that's fine. Just make sure that you are using proper contraception and that you are not trying to compensate for your separation.
The next relationship
Wait with your next relationship until you have overcome your pain. This is important. Otherwise you are just shifting something on to your new partner and suppressing your unprocessed feelings. This is not good.
But once that is done, you can go back to looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Bonus tip: pick-up lines
You can be divided when it comes to pick-up lines, but some swear by it. Meet new people by addressing them in this way. Pick-up lines are very easy to make people laugh. However, you always have to be careful which line you reveal to which audience, as pick-up lines are notorious for falling down the wrong track.
If you like, you can just be naughty and approach someone with the intention of being turned away. Try your hand at bad pick-up lines. That might sound weird, but something like that can be really funny and that’s how you learn that being turned away is not that bad. And the worst that could happen to you would be to receive a basket. Nothing more, nothing less.
⏰ How long it will take to get over the breakup
You will now be wondering how long this pain in you and this process will last.
The series How I Met Your Mother had several theses for this:
- Half as long as the relationship lasted.
- A week for every month you were together.
- Ten thousand drinks.
But we all know that hardly any of these theses can be true. There is no general answer to this. Some only suffer for a few weeks, some for a few months, and others for a year. No matter how long the relationship lasted, the length of time it took to overcome it can vary.
That probably depends more on how many feelings you have invested in her and how unexpected the breakup came. But above all it depends on one thing:
How much you let yourself get pulled down by it and sink into self-pity.
So it is extremely important that you get up again and don't see this as the end of the world. You can do it. You are strong, you are brave. You will be loved and love again. No matter how long it will take, you can overcome this difficult phase. And if you stick to the tips above, this phase will definitely be shorter than without it.
❤ More tips
We still have a few extra tips in store for you that can help you.
Searching for help
There is no shame in seeking help. If you're just not feeling better and you can't pull yourself out of it on your own, you may want to seek professional help. Therapy can help you a lot, even if it is expensive. But your health should be worth every money to you.
If this is too extreme for you, your family doctor can certainly help you. There are a few prescription drugs that can help relieve heartache. Also, he may be able to write you sick from your job so you can focus on yourself.
How do you forget someone?
Don't fool yourself. We both know that you will likely never forget the person. You have to be clear about this. The only thing you can do is distract yourself until the memories of the person no longer hurt you.
Friendship with the ex
If you are so suffering from the breakup, I would advise against remaining friends with your ex. But if you still absolutely want that, then there should still be no contact for some time so that you can get over the person. Otherwise, you'll keep tearing up old wounds.
In addition, you must not remain friends with the thought that something might arise between you again. Because then you have to be careful not to accidentally end up in the friend zone. Never let yourself and your feelings be exploited. So you have to be free of any romantic feelings before something like a friendship can work between the two of you.
If you both have children together, then it becomes more difficult - also with the last point. Then you are more or less obliged to see from time to time what will hurt again and again.
So it is your duty to survive the breakup like an adult. Follow the tips in this article and try to get over the end of your relationship as best you can. The most important thing is that the children do not suffer more than necessary.
How to deal with jealousy
If your ex has someone new by their side again, it can be very painful. The jealousy can boil like soup. It is therefore important that while you are suffering from the breakup, you do not have any contact with the person. So, mute the person on social media and avoid them as best you can in reality.
If none of that works, you have to work on yourself. Jealousy is not a must-have feeling. Grant the person their happiness, be happy for them, as hard as that sounds.
Make ex jealous
That's a big nono! If you do it unconsciously, then you can't help it. But if you are deliberately aiming to hurt your ex by making the person jealous, then you should be ashamed. Small children do this, not grown-ups. You're just showing that you're immature.
It also hurts the person you're trying to make your ex jealous of. You take advantage of it. Humans are not tools, but sentient beings.You should know that best.
Personally, I would advise against trying to get your ex back, but of course there are a number of reasons you might not want to give up on the person. And I understand that.
Sometimes you just have the feeling that you can't live without your ex. But that is total nonsense. Of course, you could try to get your ex back, but expect an uphill battle. I would recommend you just accept that it's over. Many people want to fight for them after a breakup, but that will not alleviate the pain, it can only increase it. But it is your decision.
There was a good reason for the separation. And if the two of you are unwilling to work on yourselves and your problems, a comeback would be completely wrong. If so, then you would have to start over from scratch. So again to take notes: It's over. Accept that. There is nothing you can do about it.
We wish you the best of luck and success in overcoming your breakup. You can do it!
✍️ September 12, 2020
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